December 2008
2009 is designated as ‘rip shit up’ year. So very unlike last year.
New Year’s resolution: Do more bad shit. Who’s with me? Like in an ‘accessory before and during the fact’ kind of way.
If I die in a shark attack, it is my solemn wish that you kill every fucking shark, even if they have an alibi. Kill all stingrays too.
Oh awesome. I made a lame Samuel Huntington joke on the day he died. Nice one, 2008, you turdnozzle.
Glad you added that picture, because dudes love a woman with an ass like a set-square. http://is.gd/dSHe
Crippling insomnia or hyper-real anxiety dreams. Fuck you, night-time.
Samuel Huntington thinks he’s all that but his book doesn’t help you win Civ4 at all.
If cannibals came from this town it would be called “round pork”.
Boxing day: Test cricket on the TV, Sydney-Hobart on the radio, leftovers in my belly. Bliss.
Merry Christmas from the future.
What do I think about Nuvaring? I don’t know, I have never Nuva’d.
I once slept with a woman who shaved her vag on the basis it was “empowering’, but not her armpits, for the same reason. Note I said ‘once’.
Well now I know who buys a mercedes sl kompressor in burgundy.
For those of you wishing to stalk me, here is the journey I’m driving December 26. http://is.gd/d4Oq
Oh what fun it is when a tweet with a spelling error gets favrd.
But I bet having ubuntu installed gets you loads of head.
Has anyone ever done a bad cover of ‘Bonnie and Clyde’? I’m yet to hear it.
I now have Matthew Sweet’s ‘Ugly Truth Rock’ stuck in my head. Please do not expect a punchline.
Sweet gibbering Jesus. This is the first time Ihave seen the American version of Kath and Kim. What a shitting dick nipple.
Hey TV journalist! Saying the Lebanese Jewish community has ‘gone underground’, while you are walking through a Jewish cemetary – Not cool.
If the NuvaRing comes out attached to my penis, apparently I win a stuffed toy.
Man, this “look good naked” show would be veeeeeeeeeery different if I was one of the randoms asked to pass judgement on a tubby stranger.
Catherine Keener and Jane Lynch are like my two favourite older women. So I am loving 40 year old virgin on TV.
If I were to try a new career as a sexworker I’d probably need a gimmick. Like always wearing a cape, and riding a motorcycle and sidecar.
2008 Holiday Barbie has a face that tells me she does anal on first date.
I love ww2 films set pre 1942 with Americans in them. Oh he’s on secondment to the Royal Navy, eh? Riiiiiiiiight.
Currently on my floor: hipster porn, a pair of Havianas, and Huntington’s “Clash of Civilizations”. What a renaissance man.
OK new film. This one has Randy Quaid playing the US President, so you KNOW it’s quality.
This is the worst scored film ever. Who even thinks to use a piccolo in a death scene? Frank Cordell, that’s who.
“Aw, look at P Diddy pretending he likes chicks!”
The word ‘empowering’ is boner kryptonite.
I think twitter is the first online ‘thing’ that hasn’t resulted in me seeing boobs.
Do you want 2 cd’s?
When you hear an oboe in the score, you know that means it’s time for hijinks. Or perhaps even a caper.
Giving a fat chick a compliment is like high fiving someone for littering.
So seriously. Missing me yet? Be honest.
Does anybody else’s girlfriend send them links from sexylabia.com? No? It’s just me? Sweet.
“We did it! It’s a Christmas miracle” “My people don’t believe that. I am Jewish” “My people don’t either. I’m atheist. Just say thanks. “
Groups whose cause has in the past been served by righteous indignation, sadly often now equate all of their indignation with righteousness.
And that, my friends is the end of work for 2008.
Part of this complete hobo breakfast! http://twitpic.com/u2cv
“I got them to leave a little tuft so you can see what it’s like to feed a pony some oats!”
Do you think Tyler Brule has a special mink masturbation glove?
She just offered to cover the greys in my beard with mascara. Sweet. Also, devastating.
Fuck, I’m Paul Reiser. And not the cool one from Aliens, neither.
Just booked my flights to Vancouver for snowboarding in Feb/March. I mean for that highly tax-deductible conference in Feb/March.
I seem to have lost almost 30 followers overnight, and I totally deserved it for that undergraduate shit yesterday. Which I loved.
“you sperm-burping AIDS-donkey”
“Hey have you got 5 minutes spare?” – How my business partner asks me to burn three hours of my day on a pointless crusade.
He’s a Japanese child-robot with no parents and a penchant for eating cigarette butts. I call him Ashtray Boy.